Newborn Sleep Tips that work

This post comes from my sister, Kate, who just had her first baby about 8 weeks ago. She has cared for my children during the last four winters when her seasonal job ended. So she has recent infant experience. As a new Mother, I think it helped her out a lot plus we see eye to eye on child rearing for the most part. Little Rory is a mellow and happy baby who was born at 42 weeks at home. I'll have to get Kate to write up her birth story for this blog too.

I might also add that Kate received a video monitor as a gift and it has helped her be fairly scientific about this whole process. When I started to impart gentle tips, Rory was only 2 weeks and sleeping in a co-sleeper with Kate and Norm, her husband, was sleeping in the guest room. A very common formula. I didn't want to see her reactive co-sleep for too long but I also didn't want to push my "ideas" on her. It's fine to co-sleep for up to 3 months if your baby is doing well with it and it works for your family. Kate mentioned it wasn't working well for her. So I gave her some options. My words are in blue. Kate's are in black.

Here is the advice I gave her that she wanted to share with my readers:

1) Encourage the baby to sleep longer at night. It seems absolutely stupid to wake a newborn, but after the first week (as they are going to be recovering from the birth and need to feed so often) don't allow the baby to sleep more than 3 hours during the day. I started to see the benefits of following this advice within days. I also want to add that all you are doing for these first weeks is shaping their sleep. Helping the newborn to know the difference between night and day... so try not to always nurse in the room with the curtains shut or in your bed if it's daytime. Bring them to a room that has natural light but not too noisy. ALL newborns will sleep one long stretch per day, and you want that to be at night. So keeping the daytime naps to 3 hours is one way to target that. I myself had a really hard time waking up Harper but looking back, I know it kept her from sleeping well at night.

2)Rory wasn't doing well sleeping in a co-sleeper right next to my bed at night (it took forever for him to finally pass out), but he seemed to be doing well in his crib in his room during his day naps. When I told you this during week 2, you basically said "forget the co-sleeper, just have him sleep in his crib. YOU are probably what is keeping him up." I felt bad about this--don't new babies need to be close to momma, hear her sleeping and breathing? Nope, the first night I put him in his crib, he went to sleep, and fell back asleep, faster and with less fussing. Of course, he was also born at 42 weeks, so maybe he was more independent. Also, having a video monitor and the sleep positioners, if I woke up and freaked out cause I couldn't hear him, all I had to do was flip on the monitor and see him. I gave Kate a sleep positioner or "wedge" so the baby can sleep on their side or back with a little more snug feeling. It looks something like this except mine had a pillow. The little bolsters velcro on there. I don't recommend using these once your baby is more active, or when you stop swaddling them. You have to use common sense here: if it doesn't seem safe for your infant, don't use it.

3)Swaddling tightly. Taking care of your kids, you and Matt taught me how to do it. Maybe some babies can do without, but Rory would wake himself up slapping himself in the face. I still swaddle him now, but not as tight because he can sleep with his hands out--once he is already asleep. My husband is really big on this one.

4)The two pieces of advice, that sort of go hand in hand, that I would tell every new mom (that you emphasized) is this: Minimize motion sleep or the "sleep anywhere" routine. Yes newborns can do it, but if they only ever sleep during the day in your arms or in a swing/carseat/etc., then you will be screwed later on because they won't be able to put themselves to sleep (or back to sleep). Which leads us to the second part of the advice, as much as you can, put your baby down drowsy but awake. Eventually, they get the idea; "Mommy doesn't have to be here every time I go to bed" and "this is my happy, sleepy place, I know what to do". And so far it is paid off. Very rarely now does putting Rory down take a lot of time. He is starting to understand that a dark room, white noise, a swaddle, and a few minutes of rocking means go to sleep. We are still working on his ability to put himself back down to sleep. If your baby is able to link more than 45 minutes together, he is putting himself back to sleep on his own... their sleep cycle is 45 minutes so any nap longer than that and they are having a partial arousal... and will put themselves back down. I've seen Rory do it myself on the video. He opens his eyes, then blinks slowly until he falls back asleep. It's pretty cool for me to watch!

5) Understand that they are going to cry. You said this to me when you learned it yourself with Owen and reminded me of it recently. It won't scar them for life (both your children love you and have a healthy attachment to you and Matt--and we definitely let them fuss and cry when they were babies). Also, letting him fuss, and even cry a little, and not rushing in at every sound of discomfort, has taught me the difference between his "I'm fussing, but give me a minute and I'll go back to sleep" and his "ok, I'm getting pissed now, someone come in here and get me, I want to be awake/changed/I didn't eat enough before". Five minutes of fussing and crying and then back to sleep happens A LOT. If I had gone in there, as I did before you suggested letting him fuss (unless he was getting worked up), I would have stimulated him and woken him up--which I think I did early on. I never advocate for crying it out or crying incessantly. I think mother's should be with their babies when their baby needs them. The problem is that if you respond TOO quickly the baby doesn't learn how to self-soothe, which is a great skill to have. Something that Kate has done a really great job at is knowing what is a super pissed off cry vs fussy moment.

6)Babies go through different grow spurts. If everything is going fine, and then he has a fussy day, or couple of days, its ok. Just keep doing what you are doing, he will go back to normal. Never underestimate the power of developmental interruptions on sleep. If something major is going on developmentally it can really interfere.

7) The first three months you can't expect too much. Just try to help shape his sleep and it will make things a bit easier now and a lot easier later.

I just wanted to add that there are a few things I knew from helping you with your kids. Dark rooms, white noise, setting up a simple, but consistent, routine before sleep, some quiet whined down time, and having them sleep most of the time in their own crib.

Sleep schedule 19 months and having a sitter put the baby down

So I created this category "sleep problems" and updated it from time to time with the issues I was having with Owen early on. I didn't realize HOW difficult newborn/infant/toddler sleep can be for MOST parents. Matt and I had a really hard time for the first 6-9 months and then it seemed to improve from there. I'm hoping I can help shape the sleep of my new baby (I'm 35 weeks now) faster but I'm open to the idea that ALL babies have a mind of their own and one can only do so much.

Last time I wrote about sleep was April and Owen was consolidating from two to one naps. I'll address that briefly. Owen moved smoothly from two naps to one. Once I decided to make the switch, I followed my instinct which was to allow him to sleep at 10AM, instead of 9AM for a week or so, then slowly move that nap further and further towards my goal time of 1PM. We were at 11AM for a month but he was still sleeping through the night, and Kim West, The Sleep Lady was weary about us getting 'stuck' in this mid-morning nap routine. It does throw off your lunch schedule. I keep creeping it forward until finally I was able to push him to around noon and that's where's he's been since 15 months or so. He almost never needed the occasional morning nap while making the transition and I was able to be really consistent with the time.

So from 15-18 months he slept from noon until 3PM almost everyday and went to bed around 7:30PM (in-bed asleep, routine starting at 6:45PM) and slept through the night until at least 6AM but usually more like 6:30AM (and when we get lucky 7AM). There were some day naps that only lasted 2 hours but for the majority of days it was closer to 3 hours than 2. As he approached 18 months I began to see more 2 hour naps and now at 19 months he has made the switch to sleeping AT LEAST 2 hours but only once a week pulls the 3 hour nap.

Also, I will add that Owen will go down to nap or to bed for literally ANYONE. I don't know if this is just his personality or because we have always had other people put him down for naps and bedtime since he was 7-8 months. Our routine is easy and consistent. We can leave him at 6:45PM with a sitter and he's asleep for the night by 7:30PM. As I talked to more and more parents, I'm finding out that this is NOT the norm, which surprises me.

It was a true goal of mine to be able to leave my baby at night and be able to go out and enjoy dinner with Matt or my own friends (AND NOT WORRY). I remember feeling really trapped the first 7 months while I nursed Owen to bed every single night and Matt had the freedom to do whatever he wanted. I knew I needed to end that or I would go crazy. I also knew I was stuck and HAD to put him down or else we'd be in a world of hurt. I thought I'd talk about how I made this work for us and how if you are struggling you might be able to implement this yourself (I'm thinking you have a baby that is 10+ months here)

1) I'm betting it's way easier to get out and about when your baby sleeps through the night so tackle that first. (which means tackling daytime naps before that too). Obviously if you are co-sleeping it makes this a lot harder.

2) make sure your nighttime routine doesn't include something that only you can do: ie NURSING. Or else, guess what? Only you can do it.

3) Even if your baby is nursing before going to bed, move the final nursing earlier and make an appointment you HAVE to keep (I had weddings to be at) to go out for the duration of 6-10PM and have your husband put that baby down one a week, then twice a week, then more often? If you are always taking care of bedtime, how will it ever change?

4) Trust your husband and your baby. They will make it without you, I promise.

5) If your husband is incapable of dealing with it, (and I know they are out there) get a good friend, sister, babysitter and try that.

4) If nighttime is too hard, try the daytime naps first with a sitter on the weekends or weekday but I really think it's critical to start getting someone else introduced to baby at nap/bed time.

5) keep your routine simple. For naps we go to his room, pull the shades, change diaper, put the white noise on low and get in the same chair and read 3-4 stories with his blanket in lap, then he gets set it his crib and we say "night night." We do the same thing at night except add in a bath before changing the diaper.

6) keep your routine consistent. If you want to achieve success you are going to have to TRY really hard to have the same bedtime and nap time(s) EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every day. Every day. Did I say everyday? You can vary the nap time by 15-30 minutes but I'm betting you'll have more success if you nail the times more exactly. I know this one sucks, but folks, you are ALMOST there. I truly believe that babies need to set their biorhythm clocks to a schedule and once they do, it's so predictable. If this seems outrageous to you because you tote your toddler around with you to various appointments and maybe you have another baby or child to pick up at school, then DO THE BEST you can but TRY really hard to be consistent and of course, try to shape the schedule so that it fits for YOUR life and baby's life. I would encourage you to keep a log and try it for 2 weeks and see what happens. ** I cannot stress how much I hated coming home every morning when Owen slept two naps, one at 9AM and one at 1PM, IT SUCKED. I never got any errands done, I was always at home, I could never join the library story time at 9:30AM, etc. HOWEVER, it was predictable as hell and guess what? I could get a babysitter to put Owen down and then I could go out and do errands if I really needed to. I hired a nanny to come in 2-3 days a week and watch him while I worked AND I was FREE on weekends ALL day if I wanted to leave him.

7) only make changes to your routine or life if you are ready and have support, otherwise if won't work and you'll be a wreck. All in good time but eventually you will have to LET GO. Maybe it's not right for you until your baby is 3 or 4 or 5? That decision is up to you.

I've heard it all from friends and parents and I know it's not easy when your husband travels or works late, etc. etc. I know it's not easy to "make an appointment" for yourself if you are a stay-at-home mom BUT DO IT. GET OUT without that baby. I know it seems easier just to put that baby down yourself BUT really, in the long run, it's a great bonding time for your baby and your husband and it's a great thing to feel that your child is safe with someone else.

Maybe I've just got a super independent little fellow, maybe I helped him get there? Maybe it's just his personality? -- I don't know, but what I do know is that at a certain point, all children need some time away from their parents -- it's healthy and good for them to be exposed to some different people besides Mommy. Frankly, I think this Mommy gets a little boring sometimes and Owen actually goes down BETTER for someone else.

Just this week while family was in town for my sister's wedding: my Dad put him down with 10+ adults and kids eating dinner and being loud downstairs, a new babysitter put him down the next night, my husband put him down, we left him to go to my sister's daytime wedding and another new babysitter put him down for his nap. I'll admit, I was prepared that none of this would work with the chaos of family and cousins running around in our home all week, but Owen's routine was more powerful than I anticipated.

Good luck!

Consolidating two naps to one-- When to do it?

Ah sleep problems. They have returned. This time in the form of afternoon nap protest. For a week solid Owen refused to take his afternoon nap.

Talking in his crib for an hour, YES, most certainly.

Sleeping in the afternoon- Nope, not having it. Now this had happened in the past ONCE or TWICE but never 5-6 days in a row. I was irritated and so was our boy.

Sometimes he was taking 90 minutes to fall asleep in the afternoon and his usual 2PM nap was starting close to 3PM and not falling asleep until 4PM and then he'd sleep until 5:30PM and then obviously have a fit when we try to put him to bed even at 8PM. Of course he was still waking at 6:30AM either way so he wasn't getting enough sleep at night with the later bed time.

I'm thinking, "IT'S too early to go to one nap" Sleep Lady says 16-18 months and we all know how I worship her and her advice.

Upon reading her very helpful chapter in her book (prompted by her newsletter I get via email) about consolidating two naps to one... it seems this Mommy needed to pay attention to my own child's behaviors not the calendar.

Because Kim West (Sleep Lady) and I are such good buddies (ah HEM, she returns my emails) I asked her if I could publish her newsletter article on this topic here on Baby Business. She said, "yes," So here you go.

This is the Sleep Lady's official advice on the topic, which, of course, I'm following.

Consolidating from two naps to one can be a big physical and psychological transition, with almost all children passing through the "one nap is too little, two naps are too many" phase. All we can do is try to make the transition as smooth as possible, although even in the best case scenario, your child may suffer from crankiness and disruption for two or three weeks. You may need an earlier bedtime for a few weeks while you make this transition.

An extremely common error for parents is to try to consolidate naps prematurely. Many parents will let their twelve-month old take a two or three hour nap in the morning. The child will then refuse to sleep in the afternoon (due to the long morning nap), and have difficulty making it to bedtime without a melt down.

Toddlers usually are ready to drop the morning nap by fifteen -eighteen months. A little earlier or a little later is normal, but be sure to watch your child, not the calendar. Especially watch for changes in your child's morning nap patterns. It may take her longer to fall asleep, or she may wake up from the nap earlier. She may also sleep so long in the morning that she won't nap in the afternoon, meaning you'll have a very overtired toddler by bedtime. Don't mistake one abbreviated morning nap for the sign that your child's ready for change. When the pattern becomes consistent, the time is right to begin the transition.

Signs your child is ready to transition from two naps to one:
1.) your child is getting 11 hours of uninterrupted sleep at night (CHECK)
2.) your child is taking longer and longer to fall asleep for the morning nap (NO)
3.) your child takes an increasingly shorter morning nap or too long of a morning nap and refuses an afternoon nap. In the end, you feel stuck in the "one nap is not enough and two is too many" phase (CHECK CHECK)

When you are ready to begin the transition, push your child's morning nap a little later. Try delaying it until around 11:00am for two or three days. Then push it until 11:30am for a few days, then to noon, and so on. Your ultimate goal should be to have her asleep by 12:30pm or 1:00pm within 7-10 days.

Things to remember:
- Slowly push the morning nap later in 20 to 30 minute increments, until you reach 12:30 pm or 1:00 pm. Do this gradually (i.e. in small increments over 2-3 days) to avoid overtiredness or difficulty getting to sleep. This will be her only nap for the day, so try to resettle her back to sleep if the nap is too short.
- Bedtime will often need to be earlier during this transition - 7:00 - 7:30 pm.
- It is best NOT to transition to one nap until your child is sleeping through the night fairly consistently or for at least 3 weeks.
- Be open to an occasional two-nap day!

Remember, there is an art to sleeping! We must teach our children how to put themselves to sleep in order for them to recognize their own need for it later in life. It's tempting to cut out a nap in a baby's schedule for convenience, but remember, you both will pay the price later at bedtime! Take time to enjoy this small window of opportunity when you are offered two breaks in your busy day. It can be a great time to concentrate on yourself or have some special time with an older child! Sleep well! Kim West, Sleep Lady

So this has been working well for us thus far. Owen has slept 2hour naps from 10-12, Sunday and Monday, then Tuesday-Friday he went down more like 11AM 11:15AM-1:15-1:30. He makes it until bedtime but we've shifted instead of between 7-8PM, he is SLEEPING at 7PM. Bath time starting at 6:15PM

I actually went to the gym at 8-9:30AM and then to the grocery story after--

TWO ERRANDS in the morning. Back-to-Back!

Praise Jesus.

I felt like I got "so much done" before 10:30AM. It was fun. Ah it's the small things, like writing this blog on Friday night at 8:45 and thinking about closing my eyes and going to sleep....

You know what this means?

MOMMY IS HITTING THE GYM-- HARD!! (oh and I got a baby jogger for $60.00 on Craig's list... another post)

Sleep update - baby sleep routine 7.5 months

I thought I'd give more details about my success after my Sleep Lady phone consultation. I'll outline his overall schedule and then some exciting developments!

6AM awake, hungry, nurses
8:30-8:45 - super baby food breakfast
9 or 9:30 first nap
10:15-11AM - wakes up, usually he's hungry and we nurse again
11-1PM- playtime, errands, etc.
1PM second nap
2:30-3PM awake, hungry, nurses,
5-6PM solid food snack/dinner usually nurses again
6:30 bath with Daddy, nurses in a room OTHER than his
7PM bedtime in crib
midnight snack - I feed him once and only once at night and I let him wake up which is usually between 11PM-1AM.
6AM awake. repeat. :)

I will mention it wasn't until between 5 and 6 months that his daytime sleep regulated. I worked really hard at 8 weeks to get his daytime sleep to be consistently in his crib. At first he napped after he was awake for 2 hours 3 hours and our schedule changed every day. It was nice when I started to notice a pattern and could put him down more regularly. It's GREAT to be able to count on nap time. Owen is happy all day and everyone comments on what a happy baby he is. I attribute it to his personality but really, its all about the SLEEP!

So I talked to the Sleep Lady last Wed. We have a call scheduled for this Thursday as a follow up. In our conversation it became clear that we needed a more consistent approach. She figured out that Owen is using Mommy and Daddy as his "baby tranquilizer" ... our mistakes include patting his butt until he fell asleep and rolling him over (from back to belly -- he sleeps on his belly but cries on his back), a very inconsistent response at night and the occasional nursing to nap or to sleep. I pretty much nursed him to sleep for 6 months. We also noticed that Owen does much better in the middle of the night if Matt goes in and comforts him. Owen knows that Matt doesn't have nursing capabilities, so this eliminates this as a possibility and he seems to fall asleep easier. Plus, we discussed that Owen probably only needs to nurse once each night IF THAT. I know people out there think their babies are hungry. If your baby is eating 1-3 minutes and falling back asleep, you are a sleep CRUTCH and you are not fostering your baby's ability to put himself back to sleep. We also discussed that Owen seems to fall asleep better if we leave the room rather than stay and linger shhhing him too long, etc. I realized we haven't been giving him much opportunity to fall asleep on his own. So our tactics included the following ideas:

1) We decided to move the last nursing of the night to either before the bath, in the bath or after the bath but in the bathroom. This way it separates the nursing from the sleep. After this we would continue our routine of changing him, reading stories and putting him down
2) no more rolling him over AT ALL and obviously no picking him up unless tantrum ensues. Instead standing by the crib shussshing him is encouraged.
3) no more patting his butt until he's sleeping, a little pat pat is fine but not consistent and regular pats-pat-pat in a rhythem. Again, we decided to shusshhhhh standing beside the crib, especially in the middle of the night.
4) Allow him to whimper and cry a bit (5 minutes worth) especially in the middle of the night when he wakes up but is only partially aroused. We are giving him a chance to get back to sleep and not arosing him further up by rushing to his side and stimulating him.
5) Each time we put him down to nap or to sleep, we all had to stick to our routine and rules and let him cry up to 10 minutes prior to going in to comfort him further (barring of course any screeching, howling, etc...) Most times he cries for less than 3 minutes, sometimes not at all.
6) Concentrate on longer daytime nursing sessions and offering him both breasts and NOT nursing more than once per night and only after 6AM in the morning.

So I've been keeping a log. His daytime sleep was easy to fix, he's already doing well with that, but I eliminated nursing at ALL prior to a nap and focused on the hour prior to his nap or when he has just woken up. It's hard sometimes to fix your nursing schedule but start by getting a consistent FIRST nursing session each day at the same time. This helps a lot.

The nighttime waking was amazing. The first night we just let him cry and whimper a little bit at times when we knew he wasn't hungry and really needed to keep sleeping (ie: 10PM, 3AM, 4AM, 5AM). Without changing anything but our attitudes, he put himself back to sleep! Many times in a minute or less. All it took was NOT rushing into the crib. If he didn't get back to sleep himself, Matt went in, NOT me because as soon as I go in, he freaks out and wants to nurse. Kudos to my awesome husband for really stepping it up and helping out with this.

It seems every night we have more success and Owen does seem to be going down easier and certainly has weened himself off the nursing to sleep he was so accustomed to. Now for the Grand Finale!....

Last night he slept from 7:30PM-11PM
11PM woke up and I went in and he nursed very well
4AM he wimpered for a minute, fell back asleep himself
6AM awake! SUCCESS!
(I was gone all day, noon-10PM, so this really was amazing when you consider he doesn't take a bottle but was drinking breastmilk from a small cup). I got nearly 7 hours of straight sleep and so did Owen. INCREDIBLE Progress.

Funny side note. If it's not one thing, it's another. He can now pull himself to stand up in his crib. So when you put him down for a nap, he stands up, and can't get back down. So we do have to return to his room and release him from the standing position and lay him down, but then we leave... (eventually he can sit himself down but not yet).

Sleep Lady and my birthday

Hi, it's my birthday tomorrow. Oct. 16, 1977!!! I'm going to be 31. I wanted to be in the best shape of my life for my 30th birthday (always a goal) but instead I was fat, errr, pregnant. Anyway, I've revised that goal to my 32nd birthday since that seems more realistic.

So, leave me a comment on my birthday. It will make my day. I love comments. It keeps me blogging out there, so if you read this thing, chime in for goodness sakes.

Also I talked to the Sleep Lady today, um, yes, the real live Kim West. It was so cool. I felt like a celebrity. Anyway, my 20 minutes on the phone just wasn't enough. I wanted to fly her out to Flagstaff to stay for a week in our guest room and fix Owen's sleep waking problem. Instead of that, we scheduled another phone consultation next week and I filled out a 9 page questionnaire about his sleep habits, etc. Yes, 9 pages. Oh, boy, oh boy, I'm going nip this thing in the bud, and even spend some cash on a Sleep Lady consultation. I can taste my heavenly sleep coming... oh la la. I'll cry the first time I sleep 8-10 hours. I really will. It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.

Owen at 7 months and baby sleep at 7 months

Owen in his Halloween costume as a jacket on our morning walk.

Owen was 7 months 5 days ago on Oct. 1. He is crawling like you cannot believe. Today he actually put one hand in front of the other and move his little knees in the "classic crawl" style. It was sad to see his "worm" crawl go but this crawl is much more efficient. I have to upload video if I can catch him. He's really long and skinny. 95% for height and 15% for weight at 6 months. He eats anything we put in front of him. He has 6 teeth! Two bottom ones and the four middle top ones. We hope teething is done for awhile because it's been hard on his night wakings. He stands up on practically anything you put in front of him without holding him at all and he can pull himself up if you help him. He loves to stand. Ironically he doesn't sit that well (too skinny, we think). He sorta topples over but he manages in his high chair or even a restaurant high chair. He can reach out to anything he wants while he's crawling. He babbles and talks a lot and says mmmmm when you feed him. Kaibee cracks him up but he doesn't like it when she licks him. He hates if I touch his nose (gnarly boogers here in AZ), he likes to read the books that have little patches of fur. Owen loves to nurse in the bathtub. He sleeps regular predictable naps. 9AM, 1PM and usually a late afternoon 4-5PM. We are trying to give up the last nap to see if he can go down at 7PM and sleep till 6AM. He did that last night (with 4 interruptions and only 1 nursing)! Progress!

Sleep? HA. It's been bad since 5 months, up until that point he was doing really well (1-3 wakings a night). The worst it got recently, I think he awoke 12 times. I was a zombie. My goal is for him to give up nursing at night and shift all his feeding to the day time but I'd settle for one night nursing/waking. Something that's working for us is Daddy intervention. Matt goes in when he cries and soothes him by patting him and saying "shh shhh" but he doesn't pick him up. Owen doesn't expect nursing from Daddy, so he goes back to sleep. NOW, if I go in there, different story... Owen demands nursing by getting louder and louder and I suppose I could just let him cry but when I do that, he just wakes up again in another hour. A longer post on this when I have time. We went through a seriously challenging time recently with 1-2 poops in the middle of each night and Owen was inconsolable. His daytime sleep is AWESOME, though.

I am talking to the SLEEP LADY on the phone Oct. 15th. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. I can't wait to ask her some great questions about my exact situation. My friend, Tamara and her baby Kiley, have had EXTREME success with the Good Night Sleep Tight Sleep LADY method. Her baby sleeps 10 hours a night uninterrupted and has for MONTHS. Don't get me started. YES, she is breastfeeding her. Oh and one night recently Kiley slept 12 hours. 7:30PM-7:30AM. No, I am not kidding. Olympic sleeper, that girl. How am I supposed to co-misearate (sp?) about the lack of sleep with a friend like that?

Newborn Sleep Schedule Part V, four months old

Owen is now 17 weeks and will be 4 months on July 1. His sleep has developed so well over the last four months. He is down to two night wakings and two long day naps and one shorter early evening nap. He sleeps a total of 4-5 hours over 3 naps during the day and 11 hours with two interruptions at night. We settled on a bedtime of 8:00 or 8:30 for him because if we go later, he gets REAL cranky no matter how much sleep he's had. He wakes up at around midnight and also 3AM-4AM. We are trying to cut out one of those awakenings by not nursing him but comforting him other ways. He doesn't eat that much at one or the other feeding so I know he's not that hungry. If I do two feedings then he's not hungry when he wakes up... so we're gently trying to shape his night sleep... keep reading

Things that have worked really well for us thus far:

1) a routine: I give him a massage (simple one) every night around the same time and then Dad gets into the bath with him (we have this huge garden tub so it's hard to use the baby bath unit) and plays. When he started using his hands to grab things (last 2 weeks) we put some ducks in the bath and it's really fun.
2) I nurse him before bed to make sure he's got a full belly and try to unlatch him before he's snoozing too hard. If he falls asleep I don't worry about it too much because he puts himself to sleep during the day all the time, so I know he's got that skill filed.
3) the sleep sheep by Cloud 9 or the sound machine. Sleep sheep goes off after 45 minutes which is good and Owen doesn't wake up when it goes off so it's not a sleep crutch. The sound machine stays on all night with some white noise but much softer than it was when he was younger. We live downtown so it can be a tad noisy with the train and dogs, people, music, etc.
4) protect his daytime sleep. I do whatever necessary to allow him AT LEAST 4 hours of daytime CRIB non-motion sleep each day. I put him down about 2 hours after he wakes up every morning and he goes down really easy, if I wait too long it can be a struggle.
5) keeping his bedtime consistent within 30 minutes.
We are hoping to get more serious about dropping one more feeding/awakening at night. The suggestions in the Sleep Lady book are REALLY helpful.

It's hard to find sample infant sleep schedules anywhere and the hardest thing for me was to figure out daytime sleep. Sleep Lady says babies don't have predictable daytime sleep until 4-5 months so just roll with it on a daily basis...

I have NOT opted for a strict Babywise schedule and I don't do a strict attachment parenting style either. I'm somewhere in the middle. He doesn't sleep with us at all anymore (since about 8-9 weeks) and takes all his naps in his crib and *GASP* he occasionally falls asleep in his car seat!! So, I do let him cry it out (he hardly EVER has to do this now) when if I know he needs sleep based on time, behavior, etc. Pretty soon I'm hoping a regular nap schedule will surface. It will be nice to have a predictable nap... until then our day looks something like this

7AM awake / nurse
9-9:30AM 1st nap, can last as long as 3 hours but usually more like 90 minutes
11:30AM-12:30 (depends on his 1st nap) playtime, walk, talk, play
1:30-2PM 2nd nap (usually he's up for 3 hours before 2nd nap)
3:30 playtime -- go out for a walk
5:00-5:30 3rd nap, can be as short as 30 minute or as long as an hour
7:30 bedtime routine
8:-8:30 Sleeps
12AM nurse 20 minutes
3-4AM nurse 20 minutes
7AM awake

When we've dropped the 3-4AM feeding --just this past week-- (he wakes up, I don't feed him) he cries and we get him back to sleep. I try to get him to make the stretch until at least 6AM. The first night we did this he cried on and off for an hour with me comforting him but not nursing... now he's doing better. I think he's adapting and eating more at night and in the morning. We are going to try this for 2 weeks straight and be consistent and see what happens...

The best thing is that he can go down during the day drowsy but awake at each nap and put himself to sleep, especially if you hit the magical sleep window. You can also pat his little butt back to sleep if he wakes up early from a nap or at night. Tonight we cut the routine out because we went to a party, but put him down around 8:30 still and he is sleeping great. I believe in being flexible when your schedule has been interrupted or else you end up a slave to your child's schedule; however, it's nice to have a routine to bounce back to for yours and your baby's sanity :)

I still have not slept more than 5 hours straight since March 1. I am just crossing my fingers each night that this is the night he sleeps 8 hours. I know he can do it :)

Change is constant | BE FLEXIBLE and you can win the lottery

Today I feel like I won the lottery. First, Owen slept a 5.5 hour stretch last night and only woke up twice ( if you count 4:45AM, which I do) Yippie. He also put himself to sleep with wide awake eyes this afternoon.

I wanted to write a quick post that if something isn't working with your child, try, try again. Babies and kids change so fast, so you never know. I'm a huge believer in "if it didn't work this week, try it again next week." So today, we were out taking more photos with KDI studio (she had an intern in town and offered to have the intern shoot Owen for free) sooo we were NOT following his normal morning routine. I was thinking it was going to end in disaster, but I was willing to push it and be flexible.
Which brings me to my next point, BE FLEXIBLE. If something interrupts your schedule for the day, GO WITH IT... just get back on your schedule the next day (just don't do it every day, right?). So he had been up for 2 hours and I was just so SURE he was going to scream bloody murder any second and especially when I put him the car seat to go home. Instead I nursed him off his 3 hour schedule and he fell asleep during the photo shoot on my shoulder, something I haven't allowed to happen in a LONG TIME, that is, if you consider 3 weeks a long time. So, I put him in the car seat and, of course he woke up, but was just sitting there sweetly. So then I'm thinking "great, he'll scream when we get to the car." Nope! He was fine all the way home, mind you, he didn't sleep in the car seat, but I got him home, changed his diaper and then he seemed wide awake... so I put him down in his crib (of course on his belly) and he's looking at me with big eyes, so I'm thinking, "GREAT, now he's going to scream bloody murder and only get a 15 minute nap on my shoulder and my day will be a hellish cycle of an overtired baby trying to catch up. Nope. He put himself to sleep. Yes, you heard it here first, he talked himself back to sleep at 10 weeks old. I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true. Now, yes, he's been working on this skill and admittedly, he has been drowsy but awake when I've put him down in the past, but he hasn't been WIDE EYED and bushy tailed. I stuck to my guns, though, and crossed my fingers and I shut the door. I knew he was tired and I guess he knew it too. He didn't even whimper, just goo goo ga ga, and then boom ASLEEP. I'll relish in this moment, thank you very much-- why? Because it could be different next week, so I'll remind myself to take my own advice, change is constant with babies and kids.

Newborn Sleep Schedule Owen vs. Sleep part IV

So over the last three weeks, I've been working on transitioning Owen (now 9.5 weeks) from co sleeping nights and day napping in his Moby wrap to sleeping in his crib full time. This was a kid that I was SO SURE would never EVER go to sleep drowsy but awake. So take heart, stick to your program, it's possible. I am proud that he's now sleeping full time in his own crib and going down for naps without crying and I put him down awake.

Refresher: the child would NOT sleep well at all in any other fashion so I resorted to wrapping him in the Moby. He loved it. It worked well to get us out of the "overtired" state and into the "I'm-more-willing-to-try-new-sleep-places state." That took about a week. He napped in the Moby twice a day, sometimes more, if needed. I, of course, did not want to get stuck later with a 20 pound baby that has to sleep on you, so I took advantage of his first nap time in the morning... he's most well rested and feed then. At first I swaddled him (when he liked it) and let him sleep on his side with a sleep positioner, then one day when he was fussing a lot, I decided to unswaddle him and flip him to his tummy and POOF, the child put himself to sleep. It was also during this time that I was diligent about putting him down (mostly swaddled on his side) in his bassinet beside our bed for any night awakening. It was hard because before I was nursing him in bed and we were both falling back asleep. Luckily we have a comfy chair in our room that I utilized so I wouldn't resort to nursing in bed. When he was successfully sleeping all night sessions in his bassinet (took several nights) and doing well in his crib during the day, I moved him to his crib at night. This took about a week and a half. No matter how much I wanted him to sleep beside me, I resisted because I didn't want him to get a mixed message.

During the day, I also slowly transitioned from the "rock him to sleep" and pat him on my left shoulder to being firm about when I put him in his crib to pat him a few times, let his eyes open and close and then let him cry (unless he SQUAWKED like an alien, then I picked him up and start over). I found it much easier to let him cry if I close the door and sit in the next room on the computer to pass the time. Five minutes goes by fast when you are responding to emails. At first it was hard to hear him cry (but really, not THAT hard) but Sleep Lady really reminds you if you are going to make a rule/carry out a plan with your child STICK TO IT. Owen would cry some naps but not others... If you stray from the plan it's called intermittent negative reinforcement (or something) and babies get confused and learn to manipulate you (ie. they know if they cry 2 minutes Mom will pick me up--they can be very stubborn). So once I put him down, I don't pick him up and he goes to sleep (I should mention I never let him cry more than 10 minutes). Now I can put him down and he'll turn his head from side to side, make some little noises, move his hands and put himself to sleep. It's amazing the difference from a couple of weeks. Most of the naps and bedtime, he doesn't cry anymore.

**Our nap time routine also DOES NOT involve breastfeeding because I wanted a babysitter or my husband to be able to duplicate the same system so Owen doesn't become dependent on me to sleep.

Highly alert babies sometimes sleep best on their belly because it "shuts" out the rest of the world. I am certainly not advocating folks start putting babies on their belly, but for Owen, it was his only comfort. If you suspect this to be the case with your child, consult with your midwife or doctor. If you are reluctant to put them on their belly, (believe me it still scares me) remove the mobile from the crib, make sure your crib sheets are pastel colors (or at least not black and white, or patterned) and try to create a soft comforting environment for each nap session. Try a routine each time doing the same thing: ie, change diaper, sing same song, rock for certain amount of time in chair, then off to bed.

During the day, I always breastfeed him when he wakes up (if it's been over 2.5 hours since last nursing) and make sure he takes a full feeding. He's nursing about every 2.5-3 hours now. I really try not to nurse him in a 2 hour window unless I can tell he's hungry. If I do end up trying a nursing session early, I make sure he's not snacking (you can tell by time). This way I don't "fall" for those same signals again.

My biggest problem right now is a regular bedtime. Sleep Lady recommends a gentle bedtime routine and regular bedtime (within 30 minutes) starting at 6 weeks including but not limited to massage, a bath, singing the same song, rocking, a kiss then down in the bassinet or crib. Many people can keep their child up from 8-10PM and put them down each night at 10PM... I struggle with this. I think Owen is ready for an earlier bedtime like 8:30 or 9PM but it's hard because his last nap can be from 7-9 or 8-9 and then he'll wake up VERY sleepy much as he does in the middle of night, ready only for breastfeeding and back to bed. So sometimes we miss the bath at night because he's too sleepy. I guess I can try to keep him awake if he wakes up in that late evening but before 10PM time frame. I look forward to the time when he takes 2-3 regular naps and night time is a tad more predictable. This should be around 4 months.

It was hard for me to find a basic schedule of a normal infant online, so I'll continue to post sample Owen schedules as they change all the time.

last night worked out like this:
7PM up from 3 hour nap (YIKES-- nursing 20 minutes)
7:20-8:30, up with Daddy playing, taking
8:30 down for his last "nap" short fussing, not crying (missed out on bedtime routine: ie bath, etc)
11:45PM-- nursed 20 minutes and back to sleep
3:45AM awake-- nursed 10 minutes and back to sleep by 3:55 then chatty by 4:10 so I nursed him again until he took a fuller feeding (maybe he'll eventually skip this one)
5:45 AM awake talking, cooing, Dad pats him, tried to put him back to sleep. 10 minutes later, flips him to his backside: 15 minutes of talk to himself in his crib
6:00 AMMom goes to get him, and talks to him in our bed, I nurse him around 6:30 ( I would like him to sleep from 3:30-7AM, eventually, but pooping wakes him up)
7:30AM, seems sleepy, 1st catnap (no crying)
8:40 AM awake, nurse + playtime on new Baby Einstein mat with hanging toys (loves this but is easily overstimulated with it at night)
9:50AM looks sleepy makes a couple 'unhappy' sounds, change diaper, put down (no crying)
10AM first good morning nap (I expect this to be his usual nap time)

I hope this helps out there. I'm interested in what works for other people. Please feel free to comment. That's the hope of this blog. :)

Baby hates car seat

Now I know every other parent in the U.S. is able to drive his/her child around the block and the baby just gets drowsier and drowsier and falls asleep. Not mine. He loathes the car seat. Owen cries the entire time he's in the car (okay that's an exaggeration, 90% of the time). I did another test today (just for giggles) and he cried for 15 minutes, which was the whole car ride. It's hard to hear him back there wailing so we don't get in the car much. My new strategy is to purchase the car seat adapter that is available for my stroller and begin breaking him in with that (he doesn't EXACTLY love the stroller either). Ah Owen... We did have some groundbreaking moments in the stroller yesterday and today. I can put him in the bassinet part on his tummy and he sleeps then when he wakes up, I roll him onto his back and he's happy (or hungry). If you aren't privy to the fabulous stroller I own, check it out at Uppa Baby.

Remind yourself that we live in a downtown community where I can walk to the doctor, hair appointments, dentist, bank, grocery, etc. etc. Thus the stroller is essential to Owen's portability. The car; however, is not. He didn't even ride home in the car from the hospital since we had a a home birth.

My experiments will continue. I am told they "grow out of this" but it's seriously limiting for a Mom and Dad who like to go on adventures that are usually further than walking distance away.

I have found the positive in this. Owen sleeps well in his crib and is getting lots of great non-motion sleep that all the experts say he needs. FYI: sleeping in car seats while they are in motion is poor sleep according to all the experts I've read. They recommend keeping your errands to the late afternoon or at least only once a day, but infants who sleep exclusively in their car seats are NOT getting proper deep restorative sleep. Good thing I'm accustomed to working from home and spending lots of time in our house. Good thing I love our house. Good think we live downtown.

Cry it Out (CIO): Owen vs. Sleep part III

You may not know this but I am a believer in the CIO (cry it out) method of getting Owen to sleep. We'll see if I can put it into practice. HA HA. It all sounds easier said than done. Since Owen was fussy during the early weeks and cried even when you held him and rocked him, it's easier to put him down and let him cry because it seems he'll cry one way or another.

When he is screeching, I find it much harder to let him screech vs. the waa waa type of cry but I've been reading this blog, Chronicles of a Babywise Mom for inspiration. Basically, this mom encourages you to start with CIO and just keep on keeping on. Let me tell you friends, I am serious about my sleep but I'm not sure I can be as vigilant as she is; however, I cannot continue sleeping with 2 hour interruptions in 6 months. I just can't. I think I will melt like the witch in the Wizard of Oz.

In my 8 weeks of experience, Owen does have a magic window as discussed by the Sleep Lady if I miss this window it become infinitely HARDER for him to nap or go to bed at night. So you have to keep a watch on the clock: he is now able to have awake time for 1.5 hours, an improvement, for sure. For all you mom's struggling out there I'll post his *rough* schedule -- it was hard for me to get a routine down but I think of it like this, all the other errands I'd love to be out doing will happen when he has more awake time. For now sleep is more important for a growing baby. Right now, I'm his mommy and that's the first priority, everything else takes a back seat.

Owen sleeps on his tummy. He sleeps way better this way. I do worry about SIDS but frankly I slept on my tummy so did Matt and so did you, reader. This stuff about sleeping on the back is great IF your baby will sleep on his back, but Owen won't. If you are going to attempt this you should know what my pediatrician and midwife told me:

1) no loose blankets
2) baby must have GREAT and strong head control and be able to pick his head up and move it easily to the other side and vice versa
3) room should be warm but not too warm
4) have a firm mattress with tight fitting sheet
5) make this decision knowing that the stats show 60% less SIDS while sleeping on back.
6) baby should be 10 pounds (rough guideline)

Typical schedule

10PM down for bed-- up every 2-3 hours to nurse for 10-20 minutes but right back to sleep. Hoping to reduce this to one nursing interruption by 12 weeks but for now he seems hungry and goes right back to sleep, so it works for me.

5AM: inevitable grunting and awakening -- usually I try to let him "work this out on his own" but occasionally he needs to be propped up a tad (boppy). I THINK he's experiencing his bowels beginning to move after a nights rest.
6AM awake and talking, I nurse him if I didn't at the 5AM grunt session
7:15-7:30 - down for a one hour nap (Owen determined this nap session, he just likes to sleep for a quick hour here)
8:30 awake, I talk to him, he talks back, a good time for bouncy chair or Baby Bjorn and I nurse him after 2 hours from his last feeding.
10-10:30AM nap time -- put him down for a nap and let him cry if he doesn't like it. I don't pick him up unless it's screeching. Repeat until he sleeps.
Noon: usually he wakes up after 2 hours, nurse 20 minutes
12:30: awake time
2:00PM put him down for a nap (again, I let him cry -- it lasts no longer than 10 minutes and is typically the ahhh whaaa type, personally I think he's talking to me)
4PM awake, nurse him
4:30: awake time
6PM: nap time (this one is tough because at night he's fussier and resists more) I plan to be firm about letting him cry through this session in the future.
8PM awake - nurse,
8:30: play, massage, bath time, change clothes, swaddle, sing to him. We are in the process of establishing a firm night time routine so we can eventually hand this over to a babysitter and get out for an evening. At 3-4 months I will move his bed time closer to 7PM, as most babies apparently begin to sleep 12 hours (HAHA, I laugh at this notion)
10PM: nurse and a put to bed in his crib in the other room (formally bassinet)

Notes: if he wakes up early from his nap, I let him cry for a while, but if he's gotten 45 minutes of sleep, I let him stay in his crib on his back if he'll be content (sometimes) otherwise, it's up to play until next feeding time or at least 2 hours from last nursing. I've read that every 45 minutes babies experience "active" sleep where they come out of a deep sleep and drift into a short period of light sleep where they are liable to make some noises, cry and shift around. Don't touch them for 5 minutes during this time... see if they put themselves back to sleep or alternatively go in and pat, pat, pat their back until they quiet down.

Any advice, or comments are welcome here : )

Owen and Daddy & the sleep chronicles

cute little series of Owen

Oh oh Oh! Owen is 7 weeks now and finally doing better and fussing less, I can almost taste a 5 hour sleep stretch! Yum yum! He's napping better and seems to be happier and has more awake time. I've made the transition to having him nap in his crib a few times during the day (with some success) and well, frankly I can't wait for him to sleep in his crib all night by himself. I mean, it's cute when he sleeps with me but I just don't want to sacrifice my "husband" time at night plus he wakes up at 5:30AM every morning despite a 4AM nursing (could be the daylight) only to grunt for an hour while he prepares himself for his morning 6AMpoop. Obviously this wakes me up but if he was in the other room he could just grunt away! I am starting to see his biorhythms fall into place, which is exciting because it means MORE SLEEP for me. I have to admit, since I take one nap with him during the day, I'm not THAT sleep deprived. I actually feel okay. I don't feel like I just got 12 hours of uninterrupted dreamy sleep, but I also am not exhausted, so life is way better than expected. EVERYONE and their brother will tell you "get ready to be sleep deprived" AND "sleep when the baby sleeps." My advice for new mothers? Buy a food warming lamp because it seems I can never get a hot meal in, but alas, I'll eat anything at any temperature as long as I didn't have to cook it. THANK GOD Matt is a great cook and proficient at laundry duty. He's been critical! Also I don't think I could've made it through the labor or this first 7 weeks without my friend Dawn who just launched her new website so check that out. Dawn has made me lunch, brought me lunch, made us dinner, taken my dog for countless walks, listened to my boring baby stories and overall been a great friend.

To Colic or not to Colic? Sleep Lady Has Solution

So I had a choice: come to terms with the fact that my child had colic and isn't the 'dream' baby I desire or "fix it" and deem him free of the dreaded term and guilty of something else. If you know me, I like to experiment with everything and Owen is the ultimate little test tube (in a good way) and I was determined to solve this fussy problem. I should mention that Matt and I are sleep junkies and we are fairly resolute that our child will be a sleeper.

Week 4: I determined he didn't have a dairy sensitivity by quitting dairy for 2 weeks and then reintroducing it without any problems. Darn... it's not dairy so why does he cry so much? Yes, yes, I know all babies cry, but my little Owen seems to WAIL at just about anything (including fun stuff like breastfeeding) and it takes special tactics to get him to stop. In other words, this seasoned babysitter and my own father (thrice a grandparent) cannot calm him by 'normal' tactics. It takes a bit more energy including the "milkshake" (see post about Dr. Karp), the bathroom fan, singing, jiggling and just the right pat on the back. Oh, you say, my child is just like this, maybe, MAYBE but my instincts tell me something else is wrong.

Week 5: As a self-help junkie, I begin reading a book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Baby by Marc Weissbluth (quick review: too many percentages and 'research talk' for this visual learner--get to the point and tell me how to get my kid to sleep, Dr. Weissbluth). I did learned one important lesson: babies and kids need more sleep than our modern society likes to admit and DO NOT let them get overtired or overstimulated. My little guy needs between 15-18 hours PER DAY (including nights) and can only be awake for about one hour (including breastfeeding). I also dove into the book Good Night Sleep Tight by Kim West, the Sleep Lady (thanks for the tip, Karla, my sister-in-law). Both have been great resources but the West book is my favorite. I HIGHLY recommend this book to all parents as she has a "plan" to follow from the newborn stage to 5 years so you can GENTLY have your baby sleeping like a baby. West also offers phone consultations including Q&A packages that include follow up coaching phone calls for those of you with sleep problems. Her fees can be as affordable as $20.00 (recorded version) or as much as $450.00 (8 call package) I'm sure most families with bad sleep problems would pay $450 to get some sleep.

Get to the point, Cameron... I ascertained that despite my best efforts Owen wasn't sleeping enough but it wasn't for lack of trying. The little dude just fights his naps and sleep opportunities at every encounter. This results in an overtired, hard-to-console baby but not a colicky baby. You spend all this effort getting him to sleep and next thing you know he's coming up on his next hungry cycle.

I also consulted the Sears Baby Book, which, of course, mentions that some babies just need to be held all the time and comforted constantly and that we Americans try to schedule too much into our lives instead of paying attention to what's important: our child's sleep. Sears prescribes 3 hours or more of sling time and co-sleeping. Much to my chagrin, Owen and I have been doing a fair amount of sleeping next to one another at night but I have been reluctantly to initiate this full time because I do not want to co-sleep with my child for the next 5 years (if you do, more power to you). I'm okay with this first three to four months if it's what Owen NEEDS but not after it's just what he WANTS. West calls this conundrum "reactive co-sleeping" or co-sleeping when it's not your choice to do so (side note, I really like how West doesn't BASH co-sleeping but rather supports your choice be it bassinet, crib or bed). West also talks about sleep crutches or negative associations with sleep: nursing, rocking, binkies, bottles, etc.

The real key is to teach your child the SKILL of falling asleep on his own, which according to West, is every parent's responsibility. Big hint: put your child down drowsy but awake-- this is the goal.

Both Weissbluth and West agree for the first 3 months (more or less) allow your baby to sleep she requires in whatever format she wants ie: swings, slings, co-sleeping, car rides, white noise, nursing (to a point). So combining the best advice of all the experts, I decided to sleep with him full time at night, nursing him when he wakes, and put him in his beloved Moby Wrap or sleep next to him in our bed during the day for naps.

THE RESULTS???
Week 5/6: Owen sleeps from 10-2AM with a brief nursing interlude at midnight! He proceeded to sleep for 2 hours after each time he woke up and then the next day slept great including a 2 hour and 45 minute nap in the afternoon. This occurred for the next night and day as well and again on the third night. What a different baby! What a different Mommy! With more sleep he wakes up happier, more alert and is more likely to sleep (seems obvious but 17 hours of sleep is a challenge). He is also more attached to me at the moment... eh hum, which is to be expected. Weissbluth was right, sleep begets sleep. Crying begets crying.

Conclusion: I've concluded that Owen doesn't have colic, he's just a sleepyhead who fights the thing he needs most. A paradox indeed. He cannot be awake for more than about 1 hour at a time (including his nursing) during the day-- even if he looks so cute and playful--it's ancient baby secret-- he's really tired. If he skips his nap or only sleeps less than an hour, I start over beginning with nursing and allowing him to be up for an hour and then put him down, usually for 2 hours. Yesterday we slept 3 hours in the afternoon together. I plan on making a gentle transition to the crib with a sweet but consistent Sleep Lady strategy. All experts agree sleep scheduling or sleep training should not happen before 3-4 months. Babies simply are not mature enough to "cry it out" or figure out their circadian rhythms. To find out more, read the Sleep Lady book. Have I mentioned the SLEEP LADY?? I think you get the idea.